Transforming Hostility into Kindness at YMCA Beyond the Bell ™
15-05-2025
By a Beyond the Bell™ Facilitator
From the beginning of the school year, Oliver*, a Grade 5 student, has challenged and tested our team in ways we have never experienced. Although clearly clever and capable, he seemed to walk through life with a chip on his shoulder.
Each day in the program he would enter the room looking for conflict, whether with me, the other Educators, or his peers in the group. If another child was sharing during a social skills activity, he would express anger and frustration that they had the floor. When Educators would ask him about his day, he would respond with a snide, sarcastic remark. For me, the primary authority figure in the room, he reserved his most scathing criticisms.
Having made little to no progress helping Oliver change his behaviour, we were beginning to lose hope that he would ever benefit from our program.
One day, while sitting with him in the hallway following an angry outburst, I asked him, “How are you feeling now, Oliver?” Having exhausted himself, he responded with a moment of introspection and clarity: “I don’t know why I can’t let it go. When I’m mad, I can’t let it go, and I don’t know why.”
Slumped on the floor against the lockers, he began to cry. This was the first moment of vulnerability Oliver showed us, and I knew it was a sign he was beginning to trust me.
A few days later, he had his hardest day in Beyond the Bell™. Within 30 minutes of arriving, he was screaming at the top of his lungs, cursing and name-calling with abandon. When his mother arrived for pick-up, he looked as though he was going to pass out from exhaustion.
With the peak of his internal turmoil behind him, and after speaking with his mom, I said only a few words to him. “I know you had a hard day today, but don’t feel too bad about the things you said. We still really like you, and we will get through this together.” At this his face drooped, and a few tears leaked from his eyes. “Ok Abby*."
The following week, during a group reading activity, we managed to coax Oliver into reading part of the book to the group—an unimaginable feat only a few short weeks ago. After finishing a passage, he paused, looking at the child who usually infuriates him when they read or share. “Liam*, do you want to read the next part?” While Liam, a Grade 2 student, read to the group, Oliver listened without interruption. When Liam struggled pronouncing a word, Oliver offered to help him. Our Educators looked at one another with stunned smiles, while I tried my hardest to fight back tears.
Since that day, Oliver has steadily opened up to our Educators and other children in the program. Although we still have challenging days, the changes we have seen in him can only be described as transformational.
I am so grateful to work in the Beyond the Bell™ program, where every day we are igniting potential.
*Names have been changed to protect the individual's privacy.
#ShineOn #IgnitePotential #BTB
YMCA Beyond the Bell™ is an after-school and summer academic achievement program that focuses on closing the academic achievement gap experienced by children from low income areas, compared to their middle-class peers. The program is fully funded by generous donors, just like you!
